Rambling Thoughts & Emotions

The following post is simply my rambling thoughts for the day. A lot of emotions have surfaced today and I just felt like writing them all down. Sorry if I offend anyone. (Quite scary when you have to put a disclaimer at the beginning of a post!!)

Homeschooling vs. Public Education
I 've always received comments from people, officers in particular, about me being a Salvation Army officer that homeschooled my children. There were few people who understood how I managed to do all that I did. I no longer homeschool. Let me tell you, I have less time for the Army now that I am a "normal" officer than when I homeschooled. My hours are shorter and I get called away from meetings more now that the kids are in school. That's just a side note that I wanted to mention because again today I was called to school to collect my sick child!

The Army
I am so grateful that God has called me to ministry. I am equally grateful that He has called me to serve in The Salvation Army. I love Jesus with all of my heart. My goal in life is not to build The Army, but to build An Army that will battle against the sin and death in my community and lift Jesus up as their Savior. This is a heavy responsibility that I do not take lightly.

I often get frustrated when I listen to or read about all of the "great ideas" that will make the Army better... or shall I say change the Army into a different vessel of ministry. I struggle today with how the ministry of loving people as Jesus did, needs to be changed and completely overhauled. I don't get it. I don't see why so much time is spent on "fixing" the perceived brokenness of the Army and it's systems. I would think if time were to be spent on anything, it should be spent on how we can win more souls for the kingdom. Instead we debate! Maybe some of the intellectuals out there can help me understand this whole thing better.

9/11/01
The real reason for my post has to do with 9/11. This has been a bummer of a day. I participated in a Community Service this afternoon. It went well, yet my heart has been hurting all day as I remember and relive the horrible events of 9/11/01. Every American has a different story regarding that day. Every American has difficult feelings regarding that day. I would venture to say that like me, those feelings are still very raw. So raw, that I don't want to talk or write about them just now. I just know that every day that I put my children on the school bus I wonder if anything will happen to them that day. As I watch protesters of the war downtown, I wonder if they will still be around protesting if my son or daughter should go off to war someday. I wonder what villian will be America's enemy when my son is of age to fight for this country. I wonder if my kids will have the opportunity to live out their dreams or if they will live in fear in the years to come. I don't want to wonder anymore. Thing is, I wonder more today, five years after that horrific event, than I ever have. Maybe I've realized that uncertainity and anticipation are now a part of our permanent American psyche.

Blessing to you on this day of Remembrance!

Worms Galore

We took our lovely children to see the movie "HOW TO EAT FRIED WORMS" last weekend. I remember reading the book as a kid and I absolutely loved it. In all honesty the movie was cute but a bit gross. You'd think by this point in motherhood I could handle all that is gross and disgusting.

After the movie I verbalized to my children that worms were not that bad and that I could eat one if I wanted. I am a big "Survivor" and "Fear Factor" junkie. I've convinced myself that I could win "Survivor" because of my personality (not my physique of course). I can be really sweet, but at the same time I can read people well. I can also manipulate ( a characteristic from my pre-Christian days). I also believe that through the will of the mind I could eat gross things. Although the blood balls wrapped in pigs intenstines that are used on Fear Factor may be a bit much for me to sink my teeth into.

My kids tried to test me at our Annual Family Labor Day picnic. They found worms for dessert! I refused to eat one. Without notice my eight year old son grabbed one and swallowed it. The entire family about died. Jimmy is a shy kid who NEVER does things like eating worms. As our daughter Emily put it, "Jimmy just became a boy"! It wasn't long after that Emily (0ur 10 year old) ate her worm.

I was stunned at first by the actions of my children. I then had a sense of pride and a bit of joy (silly, I know). They are so comfortable and free. They love to laugh and have fun. They are so confident in who they are as people. That is exactly what being a kid is all about.

I see kids everyday who have had their childhood stolen away from them. They live in fear, with no sense of self-confidence or joy. They have no stability or sense of security about their lives. I praise God that my kids can be kids. I praise Him that they enjoy the life He has given them. I praise Him for instilling confidence in each of them. I also praise Him that He has given me this ministry in which I can be a mom to those children who need a bit of their childhood back. God is amazing...worms and all!